What Is Your Unrelenting Passion?

I received this on a postcard in the mail, from a very dear friend of mine. It came at the perfect time, as I believe I might be having a quarter-life crises (third-life?). The last 2 weeks have been the biggest emotional rollercoaster ever, and I’m still reeling from it all.

3 weeks ago, I was offered a position with a local university to work as their admissions coordinator. Cool job, huh? Only problem is, it’s full time. Which means I’d have to find childcare for RE. I always though that my friends who spent a fortune on childcare were nuts, but after viewing several, I understood why…some of the “cheap” ones we went to were cheap for a reason: high turnover, young teachers (like, under 21 young), dirty, unruly children, poor food offerings, poor toy/activity offerings and just gross facilities. The “nice” ones we went to offered lots of outdoor time, yoga, tea time, organic meals, and Masters level teachers. Oy. So, we signed RE up, and the more I though about it all, the more anxious I got. And the more anxious I got, the more I had difficulty sleeping and even breathing (thanks mom for the anxiety issues). I even went so far as to take her for the first “visit” day and at that point, pretty much chickened out. We crunched some numbers, and after paying childcare, and for my own sanity, I was going to come out with next to nothing, which in my opinion, is just not worth it.

Between Childbirth Ed and this job, not to mention that little shop I run, it would have been insanity. And really, let’s be honest, I’m not too far off from a white room with padded walls most days. This would have surely put me over the edge.

So, we’ll sell the Subaru, cut back in other ways, and I will be taking care of some friends’ children to make ends meet. And continuing to teach and run the shop, of course.

Some days it takes a lot of soul searching, and a lot of tears, and there’s just no way, in the end, that I can leave our daughter 5 days a week in the care of another person.

I’m still looking for that unrelenting passion, and I think that working in the childbirth and early parenting field is really my calling…well, that and crafting. So, I’m going to continue working to that end, and keep adding to my education in that field so that I can teach more classes and become an even great resource for new and expectant parents.


One thought on “What Is Your Unrelenting Passion?

  1. i hate that money puts us in places of anxeity, making choices we would never dream of if life were just fair. i struggle all the time when i think about being back in school, and what that means when i’m done – i’ll have to work. i am called to what i want to do, but i’m also called to be a mom with more than 1 child. just as it doesn’t seem fair to put other children in childcare when i was with H, it doesn’t seem fair to accrue $100k of debt to stay at home and ignore the occupational calling. best wishes to you in your process of discernment 🙂

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