It Happens so Suddenly

One day, you’re driving somewhere at 630, and the sun is just setting looking so beautiful and pink amongst the Seattle clouds. Two days later, it’s dark. And not just a little darker, sun lower on the horizon dark, but middle of night dark.

And with it, of course, comes the Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder that so many Northwesterners suffer this time of year. I have to say, I’ve mostly avoided it by staying busy and active during the winter, and of course, the requisite trip to California sometime mid-winter. But this year, between the near-job experience, the subsequent coming down funk, the haphazard remodel projects, the mess of a home, the cranky, clumsy toddler, and a crushing amount of work I’m putting off, it’s kind of hit me this year.

I’m cranky.

Though many of you know this is pretty normal. I’m often cranky. But this year, it seems more significant, and it seems to be sticking.

I’m not sure if I need a heat lamp, more time in the day (which I’m LOSING), more baking (I’ll NEVER fit into my skinny jeans that way), the dreaded exercise, or what.

I can tell you what I really want to do. I want to spend all day crafting and sewing. Not just one day either. Everyday. I want a house lovely enough to want to stay in all day. A kitchen lovely enough to want to cook in all day. I want my shop out of my house (storage unit?) and that square footage back. I want one more room (ok, maybe two), or a basement, or SOME other space to send RE when she’s driving me bonkers, or send myself when I’m driving me bonkers. Or even just an extra spot to leave my sewing machine up so it doesn’t feel like such a chore to pull it out to sew. Of course, I still want to teach Childbirth Ed. And I still want to have my little shop, and run my open hours.

But I sometimes wonder how long I’ll want to do this all, or how long I can sustain this all. I feel as though I’m burning the candle at both ends, and some days, I come perilously close to the flames meeting and bursting up into nothingness. Other days, I just feel bright and clever and lit from within about what I’m doing.

I have no idea where I’m going with this, but I know that today I was struck by the rapidity with which the season has settled into the Northwest, and this is the first year I’ve really even noticed.

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