completely paralyzed

Finleigh is a real challenge to parent. Not because she’s wild, or fussy, or needy. Not because she cries all the time, wants to be fed all the time or doesn’t sleep.

Nope, quite the opposite.

She nurses every few hours (and is growing like a champ, so there’s no concern). Maybe I just make super potent milk?

She rarely cries. And when I say rarely, it’s so rare that Michael and I couldn’t really tell anyone what her cry sounds like. So rare, that when she does, we know something must be really wrong. I often wonder if her amazingly peaceful birth has anything to do with it. She joined our family is such a calm way, and she seems to be so calm because of it. Just a hunch, of course, but it’s a mama hunch, so I’m going with it.

She sleeps. Like, actually naps. For lengths of time. Three hours-ish, to be precise. Ryan napped for maybe, maybe, forty minutes. After being nursed, rocked and snuggled for forty minutes. At some point in her life, it became less worthwhile to work so hard to put her down for naps, and we’d either skip them, or I’d drive around, wasting gas, until she’d fall asleep and I could park under a tree and read a magazine. Then as she got older, she’d wake up from these naps even crankier than she was when she went down, so we just stopped altogether.

So naps are foreign to me. I’d heard rumors about these kids who napped consistently, every day, for a few hours. And those mamas had clean homes, worked from home (more successfully than I do), did crafts at normal hours. And now that I have it, I don’t know what to do with it. I have free time. While Ryan’s at school, and Finleigh is napping, I have free time. And I’m entirely paralyzed by it. There are so many things I could do: sew, write, edit photos, surf the web. And I’m overwhelmed.

Fin’s a challenge, if only because I don’t know how to parent a child with lower needs. I’m sure I’ll learn. And just about the time I do, she’ll become a whole different kid. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy being paralyzed with choice.


4 thoughts on “completely paralyzed

  1. different but great, right? all of ours have been good nappers and I’m soooo thankful. I hope that in time you figure out how to look forward to the naps and all that you can accomplish during that time.

  2. I started crying when you referenced her birth! I am so excited and over joyed to share with you the miracle of home birth. It is so peaceful and gosh I do not even think that is a word to describe the tranquility that it brings to your home. Elijah and she are very similar, easy babies, what blessing we have!

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