I don’t DO resolutions, as a matter of course. I’m not one to bother with the whole random whatever kind of resolutions. If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it big. Two years ago, it was to be content. 10 years ago? Be nice. And so, this year, I resolve to be more present.
I know some of you think I am already. And for many of you, I am. But for many, many more, I’m not. And this is attached, I think, to a few other things.
First, and foremost, is that I like to talk. A lot. I think it’s genetic. I have verbal diarrhea most of the time. It’s as though I have a quota of words I must use in any given day, and it’s quantity, not quality, that counts. Those that know me will not be at all surprised by this. Hell, those that just read this blog will probably recognize that. And in talking ALL THE TIME, it’s very hard to be completely present in what one is doing.
Second, is that I am very rarely giving my all to any given moment. I’d like to blame this on my small people but it’s not entirely their fault. I was like this well before small people came into my world. I’m usually doing more than one thing at a time, and usually poorly. So, if I’m listening, I may also be thinking (of something entirely different), or interneting (is that a verb? I just made it one), or cooking, or folding laundry, or sewing, or any number of other things. So sometimes, part way through a conversation, I realize I’ve just been going through the motions and now have to piece the story together based on what I’ve caught. (Yes, I realize this may be a confession of sorts, and I’m totally not naming names, and not going to, but I’ve likely done this to many of my dearest friends. I love you and hope you still love me anyway.
I’m also going to be working on attempting a 365 photo project on top of my 52 photo project. I want to try to document our lives as they are: the good, the bad, the cranky, the drippy, the messy and all the beauty that lies in it. I still have a lot to learn about photography, and by pushing my creative boundaries I hope to learn more about myself and my camera. I guess I kind of think that documenting our days with the camera may also help with the whole being present thing.
And so, I suppose this resolution, this being more present in the moment, is going to be tricky. I guess what I’m hoping is that, in some small way, this will make me a better person, mama, wife, friend, teacher.