Unrelenting Passion

best adventure ever 2273Last winter, I decided to change my life. I decided to make myself and my world something I could be extremely proud of. Something I could be happy with. Something that, when someone says to me, “you have such a great life, Katy” I can say, “yes, yes I do”.

So, Michael and I split up. I moved out. We sorted out custody, and I found a full time job that I thought would be a great fit, but soon realized, just wasn’t. I also realized, through all of this, that it wasn’t enough to just make the break. It wasn’t enough to just be on my own, bringing in a paycheck. So I started brainstorming. And networking. And running numbers. And staying connected to all that matters most to me: childbirth and early parenting, fitness, health and well-being. I decided that I needed to be working with my passions, that that was the only way I was going to be fulfilled, to live the authentic life I am aiming for. I put it out there to the universe – I asked for help (I’m not one keen on asking for help).

I went to the Fit4Mom Body Back Enhanced training on October 17th and decided that day that I had to get back to it. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew. I knew in that room full of other women whose lives had been touched by Fit4Mom that I had to become a bigger part of it. I sat next to my best friend, wearing shirts that said “she’s my unbiological sister –>” and we looked at Lisa and Farel and thought, “I can’t let this go to waste. I have something good to give people, and I’m wasting it away right now.”

The next Friday was my 35th birthday. I spent the weekend with one of my favorite people. Several of my favorite people, even though I’d only met 4 of them in person just that weekend. It again affirmed my desire to find a way to “do me”. Again, I wasn’t quite sure how…

And then the ball started rolling…a tiny snowball at first, gathering speed and strength as the week after my birthday rolled on: I was offered a part time job with benefits in Bothell (at Vertafore). I accepted. I was offered a freelance marketing position with Wrapsody. I accepted. I was offered the opportunity to take over Body Back for the SE King County Fit4Mom franchise alongside my unbiological sister. We accepted. I was able to take on more hours teaching childbirth and early parenting at Evergreen. I jumped at it. For now, at least, I will continue to teach truBarre at The Union Method. I will be able to spend every Monday and Tuesday afternoon and every other Friday afternoon with my girls.

Yes, for those of you counting, and if you count the kids, that’s 6 jobs. Some weeks it’ll be a lot. Some weeks, it won’t. But when it’s what you’re passionate about, it’s not a problem to spend hours upon hours doing it.

I think I finally found my “unrelenting passion“.

And I couldn’t be happier.

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Staring at the blank space. The blinking cursor. They’re taunting me:

“whatcha gonna write about, Katy??”

Not sure. Not entirely sure.

Over the course of the last three years I’ve realized something has gone missing. At first, I wasn’t sure what that was; wasn’t sure anything had really even been lost. Maybe I’d just misplaced ‘it’. What was ‘it’ again?

Me. It was me. I’d lost me.

And I don’t think I lost me all at once. I started building walls. I’ve been building them my whole life: to keep myself in, to keep others out. To keep those parts of myself that I wasn’t sure people would accept, could accept, hidden. I built more walls,and turrets and moats. I built an entire castle, and locked myself up in the tower. And before I knew it, I was lost. To myself, to others. We all forgot what Katy was really like, what kind of a person she was.

And then one day, very recently, I realized what I’d done. I realized I wasn’t loving living up high in that tower, safe from all the things I thought I wanted to be safe from. My life certainly looked perfect on paper, but I was trapped. Unable to escape, unable to be who I needed to be, unable to become. I needed to make myself vulnerable. I needed to be brave.

And I began tearing that tower down. Brick by brick. Stone by stone. The moat is drained, and the drawbridge into me is down. I’m choosing to let people in, choosing to allow others access to me. So long as they don’t take more than they’re given, don’t take more than I offer, we’re good.

Out with the old…

I’m still here, I swear. I’ve just been running. And mothering, partnering and friending.

Though I never said anything, my plan for 2013 was to make it EPIC. I think I did. Scratch that; I know I did.

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a 5k, 12k, and a 15K

4 half marathons (all under 2h)

Ragnar Ultra

Portland Full Marathon

Body Back

Became a Stroller Barre instructor

And the coolest part of all? I ran a grand total of 1313.13 miles this year. Yes, it’s an amazing amount of miles, but in the end, it was all in the course of training. Which is kind of even more amazing.

What might be even crazier is that all of THAT was just fit in among my life, among parenting my sweet three girls, among the time spent with Michael, among my friendships, which continue to remain so very important in my life.

I’d be remiss to have a post without photos, especially after so long.

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Twenty Fourteen – the word of the year is adapt (oneword365.com). I have goals, but they’re quieter. I have plans, but they’re more flexible. As Michael and I head into our 10th year of marriage, and our kids get older, our lives are shifting, in all good ways, and flexibility is key. I’m grateful that this wild, crazy, legendary has allowed me the insight necessary to be this flexible. I’m grateful for so many things this last year.

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And, so, so excited about the what’s next.